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Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. At least, that's the long-enduring stereotype that was recently perpetuated via Reddit, which posted an actual spreadsheet a man put together to show how frequently his wife denied him sweet sweet sex. Is this stereotype true? But also, as is the case with so many stereotypes, not really. Let's get this out of the way right off the bat: Men do seem to be, on the whole, more sexually keyed up than women. One survey out of Florida State University found that men have more spontaneous sexual arousal and more frequent and varied fantasies than women. Plus, the majority of them are reportedly thinking about sex at least once a day, compared to a quarter of women who have the same regular stream of naughty thoughts. These crude characterizations oversimplify both men and women who are dealing with genuine, and often personally devastating, issues with libido. Women and Sexual Heat The assumption with women is that they don't want sex because they're cold and uptight. Yet in reality, their sex drive is frequently impacted by legitimate medical and biological issues. In fact, healthy young women have approximately 10 times more circulating testosterone in their bodies -- which is thought to be the key hormone underlying sexual desire in both men and women -- than estradiol, the most potent form of estrogen. Yet by the time women reach their late 40s, testosterone levels are about half what they were in their 20s. Women dealing with these and other conditions may be characterized as frigid when it fact they are contending with problems entirely outside their control. The New York Times Magazine story made it clear that many women suffering from hypoactive sexual-desire disorder want sex. It's not about some innate female revulsion for hanky panky; it's about being physically unable to feel the flame of desire. Men and Sexual Heat The presumption with men, conversely, is that they're randy all the damn time. Yet in truth, one out of five males have a low sex drive. Problems run the gamut from psychological issues to low dopamine levels to medical conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure. Hell, even some hair-loss products can reportedly impact a guy's ability to get in the mood. Men may also suffer from HSDD see above! In this case, too, social assumptions can do significant damage. Because men feel they "should" want sex all the time, they may experience feelings of intense guilt and anxiety when they are unable to live up to their "manly" duties. The bottom line is that -- newsflash! Some men want sex all the time; some don't. Some women want sex all the time; some don't. And there are myriad reasons why each gender may not be interested, and many reasons this desire may be fluid over time. The Reddit spreadsheet has caught on in part because it enforces an engrained perception of male and female behavior, even to the point of being funny men, so frisky, haha! But there are many realities that don't fit within these rigid assumptions -- or, for that matter, within the confines of a crude spreadsheet. This story first appeared at Ravishly.
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